Flu flu go away…

Dearest Baby K,

We’re all down with the flu at the moment. I got it first, you next and now Papa is showing signs of it. Not good.

I can’t bear seeing you unwell. It’s so heartbreaking. You can’t even cry properly because of your throat 😦 I just hope you get better soon InshaAllah.

Papa said I’ve gone OTT, I’ve covered you in Snufflebabe, covered your bedsheets in Olbas oil, toasted some ajmo and tied it to you and given you some calpol. I just want you better soon InshaAllah.

Papa has to go to London tomorrow. He actually had the afternoon off from work and was planning an afternoon out for us. Khayr. Another time InshaAllah. He’s trying I guess. Alhamdulillah.

Mummy loves you lots.

Better sleep before you’re up again.

Much love

Mummy xx

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Time is flying by

Dearest Baby K,

MashaAllah you’re 4 months old already! Time is flying by so fast I feel like I’m missing out on enjoying you as a baby!

You’re a lot of hard work. You’ve been keeping mummy and Papa up a lot. You’re up nearly every hour. And then you sleep during the day to make up for it. Shame I can’t do the same 😦 I think your papa’s snoring scares you or disturbs your sleep which is why you’re up so much. We’re going to trial sleeping without Papa in the same room for a few days. If that’s why, then we’ll be shifting to your room until you’re ready to sleep in there alone. Papa needs his sleep for work. Otherwise he comes home and it still feels like I’m home alone.

M khala, M uncle and the boys came over last week. It was nice having them over. The boys really enjoyed playing with you and I think you enjoyed their company too. T really loved to dance in front of you and make u laugh and U was jealous because the other two said you’re cuter than him. Lol. They’re a lot of hard work though. I don’t know how M khala is coping. They constantly need to be told to do stuff and I think it’s taking its toll on her. She’s trying though. InshaAllah things will get easier. Ameen.

Nani has her op in 2 weeks time. I’m hoping your Papa will let us go and spend some time with her. But we’ve got the work in the garden started, so someone needs to be at home to supervise. Let’s see what happens InshaAllah.

I love you so much baby K. Buy you’re really testing my patience. No one said it would be easy but I really wish your Papa would be a bit more hands on. Just last week he learnt how to make your formula. 4 months later. And that was only because I wasn’t feeling well. It hurts sometimes that he doesn’t take as much of an interest.

I want to do so much with you. Take you to places. Like how your nana did with us when we were younger. But your Papa has no interest whatsoever and that upsets me. He doesn’t want to make any effort. All he cares about is paying off the debt. I understand that that’s a priority bug it doesn’t mean we can’t live a little.

We did take you out on Saturday though. We went to IKEA lol. It was a nice day alhamdulillah. Just tiring. I’ve done my back in and finding it hard to even pick you up at the moment. InshaAllah hoping it’ll get better soon.

You’ve just fallen asleep in my lap. I’m craving icecream even though my throat is killing me. Might go and have some.

Till next time.

Much love. Always.

Mum x

I should be asleep…

Dearest Baby K,

It’s been a while since I wrote to you. I miss doing this but I’ve just not had the time. You keep me busy. Alhamdulillah.

It’s been a couple of weeks since the last time, so much has happened.

Aunty M that we went to see in Leicester told me about her issues. Things aren’t going well with uncle N. She doesn’t want to stay with him anymore. It’s complicated, but I think she know what she’s doing.

Aunty S had her op last week. We went to London on the weekend and mummy really wanted to go and see her but it just wasn’t possible.

We got to see nani and the new baby K too! She’s soooo tiny MashaAllah❤️ ur a giant in comparison to her lol.

M khala, masaji and the boys r coming soon InshaAllah. Hope I can cope InshaAllah lol.

We got the glass in the French door sorted and alhamdulillah the blind has been sorted too.

Mummy is exhausted so will put more in next time xx

Expectations…

Dearest Baby K,

It’s been a while since the last time I wrote. So much has happened I don’t know where to start to be honest.

Aunty S has been upset with me as I didn’t make enough of an effort with her after finding out about her cancer. I didn’t know if she wanted to talk about it and assumed she wouldn’t want to be asked, so didn’t, and that upset her even more. Your other Aunty S is also upset with me for the same reason, because I never took an interest in her health/kidney problems until recently even though we’ve known eachother since primary school. Again, I didn’t know if she wanted to talk about it and didn’t find it my place to be inquisitive about something so personal. But we spoke about it and she’s forgiven me for not doing so. Lets hope the other Aunty S forgives me soon too. She has her op next week. I really hope it goes well for her inshaAllah. She said it’s a long surgery, about 8 hours long and can be dangerous to be under for so long. All we can do is make duaa for her.

Your Papa was upset with me last week because I said he spends too much time on his phone. I was upset with him because he comes home from work and just sits and watches rubbish on YouTube, and doesn’t realise that I need some human company. I love you to bits baby K but you’re not at that age where we can have a conversation, so to have some adult interaction is vital for me. So I don’t go mad.

We went to Leicester and spent time with aunty M as well. Her house was amazing MashaAllah. Can’t even call it a house – mansion. Allahumma baarik. We met one of papa’s old uni friends too. Hes here from Malawi and his dad passed away recently. And we found out that papa’s friends wife is due to have a baby any time soon!

Talking about babies… Your mami had a baby girl on Saturday ❤️ she’s the most precious thing ever. And she’s a baby K too! They stole the name I wanted for u.. Had you been a girl. Khayr. It wasn’t meant to be. I hope we get to go to London and meet them soon InshaAllah.

Papa’s grandma – maa, had a stroke the same night we got back from Leicester. Papa rushed off with your dada baji and M uncle. Maa is still in hospital at the moment. More tests to be done and then a long haul to recovery. The stroke was picked up late and so it’s affected her more than expected. We hope and pray she has a full and speedy recovery. Ameen. We think it’s time for your papa’s dada baji and maa to love to Bolton now. Let’s see what happens.

Mummy is exhausted. It’s half 12 now and knowing you, you’ll be up soon.

Good night.

Much love.

Mummy ❤️

Paranoia…

Dearest Baby K,

11 weeks old today!

It’s been a week since we came back home. It’s been quite a crazy week too.

We got back around 9pm but we didn’t come home till later. Papa and gora mama went to our house to drop off all our luggage only to find we’d had a break in. The French doors had been tampered with and ones glass was completely shattered. There was glass all over the room and the glass had been boarded up. By the police.

Ever since we’ve come home I’m on edge and super paranoid. Someone has obviously been keeping an eye on the house and decided to take their chances that night. Alhamdulillah nothing was taken.

You’ve been pretty unsettled since we’ve come home. The first few nights you were up every couple of hours or so.

You still hate having baths. We (your Papa and I) tried giving you a bath today, and boy did you cry the house down. You’d done a poo-splosion and had leaked onto your vest and then screamed when we tried to give you a bath.

Alhamdulillah you’re asleep now. But I’m struggling to sleep :-/ my mind isn’t working properly so I haven’t been able to put in everything that I may have wanted to.

InshaAllah next time

Love

Mummy x

Time to go home…

Dearest Baby K,

It’s finally the day that we take you home. To our home. InshaAllah Papa is coming to pick us up around 2 this afternoon. It’s 2am right now.

I don’t know how I’m feeling. The room is packed to the brim with bags and boxes. I hope it will all fit in the car. I’ve really had to limit myself as to how much I can take back this time.

MashaAllah you’ve been given so much in terms of gifts. Alhamdulillah. So many clothes MashaAllah. And there’s so much of your other stuff that needs to come with us. Nappies, wipes, formula, flask, bottles, bottle steriliser, pram, rash cream, gripe water, calpol… SubhanAllah the list goes on! I just hope it will all fit in the car InshaAllah. Let’s hope so.

I need to get some sleep now. InshaAllah next entry will be from home.

Love,

Mum x

Exhaustion…

Dearest Baby K,

We’ve just spent 2 hours on 2 nappy changes, 6 ounces of milk, endless smiles and some crying too.

You had your first set of immunisations/vaccinations yesterday. It didn’t go as bad as I thought it would. You were asleep when we went to see the nurse, but the needles woke you up quite nicely. You only cried for a short time and then fell asleep again, which made the oral immunisation difficult, as we needed you to be awake for that. We got it done in the end and you fell asleep again. Into such a deep sleep that I couldn’t even wake you to take calpol so you’d feel better.

You did wake up eventually, a couple of hours later, once we got home and you’d been pretty cranky there onwards. It’s been difficult seeing you in pain, with a fever and just not settling. Even nani got upset because you wouldn’t stop crying. Nana annoyed me because he said your crying was unsettling. Like you really wanted to spend the evening bawling your eyes out. I really don’t know what to do with your nana. He’s losing the plot. A bit like our dada did. I worry because I don’t want your nana to end up like that. I want him to be able to spend time with you and see you grow up. It’s not fair that you grow up not knowing your grandparents. I know how that feels.

Anyway I’ve gone off tangent. You’re finally asleep. Alhamdulillah. I just want you better soon InshaAllah. I don’t like this fever and crankiness. I’ve not been too well either. Think it was the chicken sheesh I had earlier. Feeling a little better now alhamdulillah.

It’s 5.35am so I think I’ll end here. I need some sleep.

Love always,

Mummy x